Sin of Omission

Sad, sad story and I am ashamed.

This afternoon as I board my bus to go home, I spot a guy talking to the bus driver. This is a guy I see nearly every day (I suspect he actually works in my building, but I don't know for sure). We have the same schedule: catch the bus at 6:40am, take the 4:30 bus home. He's tall, a little rounded, and always wears his orange backpack. Sometime his sister is on the bus with him. She's cute. I imagine her to be quite sporty and athletic, and lucky her, she's getting married! I also suspect they live my same condo complex.

Little bit scary how much you can tell about someone just by seeing them everyday.

Well, for knowing this someone as much as I do, I did him a great disservice. You see, the bus driver stopped him for having an out of date bus pass. They had a discussion as the driver denied his  boarding. I didn't hear everything, I was about 8 people behind him. I could tell he was waiting for the rest of the passengers to get on and I inferred that he would either continue his conversation with the driver once we've passed, or he would get off.

I have 2 books of bus tickets. Almost always do. I can spare one ticket to let this guy I kinda know get home at the time he wants. I've already torn my ticket from the booklet, but I pull it out again, fully intending to pay his fare.

Uh oh, Shani goes one thought too far (it always seems I over-think or don't think enough) "it's kinda weird for a girl to be doing something like this, it's usually gentlemen who do it for ladies"
and I sliently walk by, with my booklet of tickets still in my hand, visibal to this poor guy, like I was rubbing it in his face.

He then vacates the bus and I imagine myself standing and yelling "wait!" but that's all it is, an imagination.

So there I go, the rest of the ride sitting in silent shame for my inaction.

The irony? I just finished writing a speech, you'll see it below in my previous post, about how you shouldn't be afraid to be who you want to be. Don't let society put you in a box.

I let myself be boxed in for a millisecond and it's caused me remorse for the past hour and a half. Sure, it will pass, but wouldn't I prefer be pleased with my action for days, rather than dismayed for my inaction for even a moment?