Hello world! Guess what? I wanted to have a natural birth experience, and I DID! It feels so great! I'm going to start out with the big details everyone wants to know, then I'm going to dive into the actual experience of it all, if you care to keep reading. WARNING: I'm not really one to hold back, so if you don't want to know, stop reading where you're comfortable.
Baby details: Baby 3 (yes that's right, still no name) was born 4:17am, Aug 30 at the Foothills Hospital in Calgary. Apgar score: 9/9. 7lbs 2oz, 20 1/4" long, absolutely perfect. No molding to the head, forehead left unbruised, just his nose was a little smooshed, but that's all worked out and he's the most beautiful baby in the world. I dare you to defy me.
Labour details: 10:10pm Thursday night my water broke, contractions started about 15 minutes later. Once I started counting them, they were a minute to a minute and half long, and a minute or two apart. We checked into the hospital at 1:10am, they checked me and I was 9cm dilated, so off we go to the delivery room! I started pushing at 2:45am and he was born at 4:17am. Yup, that was fast!
Now for the nitty gritty - proceed at your own risk.
First of all, I have to give a big shout out to Rachael who writes the blog Midwife Thinking, and Ina May Gaskin for publishing her books on midwifery and natural birth that included several personal stories of people she's assisted to give birth. I felt like I really knew how I wanted things to go and how I could get them. And a huge thank you to Alberta Health and FMC for supporting such natural experiences.
It's been said that you have no idea what labour and birth is like until you've actually done it, and I have to agree! Through all the stories I've read, I thought I was prepared and knew what to expect. Yes, the birth of my son went as planned, but not as expected! Allow me to elaborate.
I thought that my labour may start with my water breaking, because that what happened with my twins. I didn't know for sure, but I had pads hiding all over the place just in case! But whether my labour started on its own or with my water breaking, I was sure it would be a long process with this being my first time in labour (I had a c-section within 6 hours of my water breaking before, I didn't feel one contraction)
So there were a few last minute things we still needed to get done: put the car seat in the car, get the baby clothes out and the baby bag ready and Miles needed to get his support person's bag ready. I figured these things could get done during early labour, if they weren't already. I'd be able to have a shower, pack some make-up, eat a meal high in carbs so I'd have my energy, etc.
So when my water broke, Miles says "okay, now what?" I give him instructions to put the seat the car, get his bag ready, I needed to grab the baby clothes and get that bag ready. "Let's get everything ready, but I want to go to sleep because who knows how long before this thing gets started and how long it will take, so I'll get my stuff ready, and go to bed." Fine, sounds like a plan. After all, a friend of mine just recently had a baby where it took her 24hrs to go into labour after her water broke, and this was her third child! Why would I be much different? Well folks, because I'm different, that's why! Everyone's bodies react differently, there are no comparisons to be made.
I'm getting the baby's clothes together, stopping every now and then to breathe through contractions. Which, by the way, are exactly like menstrual cramps. I expected my whole belly to hurt, but nope, just down low. Then they got harder and I needed to breathe more with each one. They were coming closer together than expected as well. I wasn't keeping track of the minutes, but it was pretty frequent.
Let me just say, that against medical advisement, I was never planning on going to the hospital right when my water broke. Because I'd had a caesarean before, they wanted to monitor me from the get-go, whether my water broke, or my contractions started getting to be 7 minutes apart. I had decided the hospital was not where I wanted to labour, so I'd go in when they were 5 minutes apart (maybe even less!) to avoid being strapped to monitors and IVs and having my movements limited. Lying still is not a way to deal with contractions!
Miles is upstairs with me at this point, and I ask him to track my pains. For about 10 minutes they were a minute to a minute and half long, with a minute or two in between. And it wasn't letting up. But I still wanted to shower. The shower turned into a bath. Have you ever heard of Orgasmic Birth? Sounds like a nice concept, right? Miles comes into the bathroom to tell me I sound like I'm having a good time. Apparently labour sounds and love making sounds can be interchangeable. I didn't laugh. He left to continue getting ready, I stayed right where I was breathing and keeping my lips loose. This is a concept from Ina May. The muscles in your mouth mirror the muscle that is your cervix. If your mouth is tight with pain and concentration, the cervix will remain tight. If you loosen your mouth muscles by keeping your jaw slack, blowing zerberts (or raspberries as she calls them) your cervix will open faster. So far, I have no reason to think this isn't what moved me along so quickly.
The bath was terrible. It was way too narrow for me to get into a comfortable position. I wanted out, but I couldn't move on my own. When Miles got back upstairs, I said I was going to get out and we needed to go to the hospital. There's no way I was going be sleeping through this, and contractions were not letting up. This is happening now. Once I got out of the bath, I realized that the water was, in fact, useful!
I'm going to add that after my first few contractions, I started puking. I heaved with one. Up came my dinner with the next. More puking - oh look! There's my lunch. Have you ever worked out so hard you've thrown up? That what it was like, and as if the contractions of my lower abdomen weren't enough to think about, there goes my stomach, just to even things out. Thanks a lot! Then I started feeling so weak. Who can do work like this on an empty stomach?? I think by the time we got to the hospital the nausea was gone, but it was terrible while it was there.
I will admit that I thought about pain relief. About 3 or 4 contractions in, I thought "yup, I can totally see the value in the epidural!" and "where the heck is this oxytocin and endorphins that are supposed to counter act this pain? This is REDICULOUS!" They say that the release of the aforementioned hormones help with the pain relief and that as the pain increases, the more hormones are released making it physically possible to withstand the pain without medication. So where were mine?? My conclusion is that because I got going so hard and fast, I had to wait for my hormones to kick in. And they did. Once Miles was around to help me concentrate on breathing and I could grab on to him, I didn't think about pain relief again.
I had about three or four contractions in the van, which SUCKED because you're supposed to be strapped in and in your seat and blah, blah, BLAH. But the nice thing about traveling in the middle of the night is that there is NO traffic. Really, we were at the hospital before I knew it. Had a contraction in the elevator as we were going to Unit 51 - Labour and Delivery, and had the thought of being stuck and delivering there. Of course that didn't happen, but I had to think it, right?
As we check into the hospital, it's a good thing I've had my Alberta Health Care number memorized since high school as I left my wallet in the car. I stand there and breathe through a contraction as the admitting nurse looks at me and says "yes, I'd say you're in labour". Well, thank you! I'm so glad we agree. Lets get me into triage, yes?
So in we go and another nurse is helping us out. "Is there any reason to think your water has broken?" "yes, I've soaked, like, 5 pads in the last three hours." So of course they have to 'test' to 'confirm' the amniotic fluid. Some things just seem unnecessary, no? Then she wants to check my cervix. I'm going to tell you that this is one part I had been dreading. One of the reasons I didn't want to spend too much time in the hospital. I had my cervix check once with the twins around 26 weeks, and it was aweful. The doc then told me that if I had my ultrasounds the day I went in for my checkups (which was every two weeks with twins) he wouldn't have to manually check my cervix. Done! No one ever checked my cervix again. Even at the appointment I had the Monday right before I delivered, they offered to check then, or wait until next week. Next week is fine, thank you! But I knew I couldn't avoid being checked upon admittance, there goes the nurse, jelly ready and WAIT! I'm having a contraction, please don't touch me! Okay, you can go ahead. Ugh. Worst experience ever. Seriously, she was so far up there, it seemed like she was up to her elbow. She said the cervix was really far back. Good, bad? I don't know. But out she crawls with the news that I'm 9cm dilated. Hallelujah! Maybe I can get away with just one more check to confirm 10 and you can get out of my business. "9cm, we have to move fast and get you into a delivery room. Can you sit in a wheelchair?" Umm, I don't think I'm moving. So off we go in the bed.
I slide over to the bed that's in the delivery room. "Hi I'm Pat, I'll be your nurse" We get passed all the pleasantries, I'm sure I was being very rude as I scrunched my face in pain, turned into Miles and held on for dear life. Oh yes, and breathed. (Turns out my position of choice was to grab him around the neck and shoulders and squeeze. My triceps are still sore as I stretch them out today). "Do you want any pain relief, we can give you nitrous oxide?" "No, thank you" "Okay. Any requests?" I had wanted dim lights, but that was already done. "Immediate skin to skin, delayed cord clamping and I want to deliver on my side or squatting" "Sure, we can do that" in her calm reassuring voice. I liked Pat. No fighting with the docs about what I wanted? Oh how nice!! They put in my IV (in case things went south and I had to get to the OR fast, I needed to be prepped) and strapped the fetal monitors to me. No choice in that for a VBAC. If there are any signs of distress, it could mean uteran rupture (my scar separates) and off to surgery we go and the doctors are lifesaving heroes.
The contractions continue. I needed to tell them if I felt like pushing, then they'd come check my dilation again to confirm. A couple of times I felt like crying. If I lost concentration for a moment, all hell broke loose and I would scream out. Miles was really good at getting me back under control. My rock, he is. He brought out the labour plan and asked if there was anything on it we needed to discuss. I did a quick read through and nope, we're too far along for anything like aromatherapy, music, humor and thoughts of "this isn't pain, just an interesting experience I need to embrace". He did rub my back once in a while and that felt good. I'm sure if I knew what to ask for, or if someone knew what they were doing it would have been great relief, but at the time I just wanted to get this business over with. These were all lovely ideas for early labour, which I had completely bypassed, and if we were going to hanging out in the hospital for a few hours, which was not likely at all at this point.
"Push, I feel like pushing" "okay, let's check you out" Again, an absolutely lovely and enjoyable experience, although to be honest, I don't remember it as vividly as the one an hour and a half before. Yes, 10cm. "I'll tell the doctor, and push when you feel like it." So I did. Or so I thought. I kept thinking that if I kept my jaw slack and breathed through it, it would keep things loose and easy. "Close your mouth, you're letting too much energy out of your mouth when you need to push. If you feel like you need to poo, that's exactly right, go with that" Yes, I had heard it before, but for some reason I thought that was at the end. You want me to poop my baby? Already then, here we go. Weirdest sensation ever. It felt like NOTHING was happening! I imagined I would feel him moving through the canal, I thought I would feel like I was pushing something out, but as I was pushing there was NO relief. No satisfaction of having just had a bowel movement. Eventually, it got to the point where in between pushing, I couldn't comfortably put my legs down because there was SOMETHING IN THE WAY! A big mass just sitting in my pelvis. So weird. My this time, the contractions didn't hurt anymore, my belly was soft and all my energy was being put into pushing. Have you ever pushed against an immovable boulder? Well neither have I, but that's the only comparison I can think of. You're pushing, pushing, pushing, with no sense of satisfaction. Is anything even happening or am I just going through this exercise for your sadistic pleasure? This is where the real work came in. Active labour: an exercise in pain management and tolerance. Pushing? That's work! That's where it's accurately called labour.
I could feel something different now. I felt at the end of each push a resistance. Something pushing back. I'm pretty sure that's my perineum. It does NOT want to let this baby out. Okay, picture something round and wide. Relax, let's get this baby out of here. Nope, that didn't work. Okay, push! "Hold your breath when you push, the baby's doing great, he's happy, let's get this going." "I'm glad somebody's happy!" See that? I can do humor.
My back is really starting to hurt. I don't know if it was back labour or not, I figured those muscles were engaging to help me push and they were getting tired. Nothing I'm gunna do about it now, let's go. The doc and the resident are now in. Getting a warm cloth on my perineum to avoid tearing. "There's going to be a point when you're going to have to do little pushes to avoid tearing, I'll tell you when that is." Okay. By this point I had gone from my left side, so my right side, into squatting and holding the bar, nothing was relieving this back pain. Oh it hurt! That's what I wanted drugs for. It was stopping me from pushing longer and more frequently. It's really the only pain I ever complained about "ooow, my back!" "Okay, let's get this baby out, let's go. He's still doing well, and so are you. Push!"
You've heard of the Ring of Fire, right? Where your perineum is stretching and it burns? Ya. That's aptly named for sure. I think that's the only sensation I remotely got accurate in my head. So I was yelling at the end of a push and Miles had to get loud so I could hear him say "Stop pushing!" and I had to do light pushes from there. That's hard! I just envisioned this head coming out, and if I just did one more great big push it would all be done, but no, I had to sit there and wait while I stretched. Wonderful! But at this point they told me to reach down and feel the head. A tiny little piece was bulging out, and it was squishy. So weird. I kept pushing and yelling through the ring of fire. Miles said I was crazy - like the Hulk.
A few more pushes and out came the head. I had finally settled on pushing on my back (which I wasn't planning on, but hey) so after his head was coming out I could look down and see him. He was blue, had some blood him and the white vernix and he started muffling out his cry right away. A couple more pushes and out came the body. Ow! What was that? He was kicking me still on his way out! One more push and out he came, right up onto my chest, absolutely beautiful. He was crying and breathing as the nurse was wiping the blood off with the towel. The doctor confirmed that yes, I had second degree tears and needed to be stitched up.
But I was so happy. So happy that he was strong enough to be born naturally, so happy that he was healthy and was crying. Clearing his lungs and spitting up the fluid that they didn't have to do any suctioning. And the nurses were completely happy letting me hold him for as long as I wanted before they did their assessments.
Except for the tear, everything went as planned, and let's be honest, that was more a hope than a plan anyway. But expectations? The experience was completely different than anything I had envisioned. Not something I loved in the moment by any means, but I was so proud that I could do it, I was grateful it was fast, and so so happy that my wishes were met and my little boy was so strong. Which I knew, because he's been kicking strong and fierce for months on end. So in the end, yes, it was wonderful, yes it was hard work and yes it was worth it, and I would absolutely do it again. Maybe a little bit better next time now that I know really what things feel like.
Recovery and nursing were going so well that they even let us leave that night, so we were on our way home at 7:30pm. For not having a midwife like I had hoped, I really don't think anything could have gone any better.
I Am Woman.
PS Miles has all the pictures, though we didn't take many. I'll add them later.
